Simon Lewis: Comrade Hack

There are almost a hundred dwarves living in Dwarf Kingdom, a theme park attraction outside Kunming. Every morning they put on a show for visitors.

The compere is a midget, about two foot tall – he looks like a child but he has an adult’s confidence and economy of movement. He explains that he is 38 years old and the audience gasps. Then he introduces all the dwarves, who emerge from out of hobbit hole style buildings with little round doors and assemble on stepped platforms. They are all in costume: dwarf guards with swords and shields, girls dressed as fairies with little wings. Last to emerge is the dwarf king, wearing a yellow cloak and carrying a sceptre.

Then the show starts: a trendily dressed dwarf with bleached hair breakdances, a dwarf boy band mimes to a pop song, a dwarf tranny prances in a bikini and a wig, a troupe of girls dance with umbrellas, and so on. I was called up on stage to help with one act. The midget compere had me check that two little metal ballbearings were real. I was asked to put one in a strongman dwarf’s mouth. His face contorted grotesquely, and, with the aid of a metal chopstick, he made the ball come out of the side of his eye. Then the other ball. It was gross. Perhaps it was a trick.

After the show the dwarves hung around playing cards, eating lunch, or making trinkets to sell, so I got a chance to chat to them. The youngest dwarf in the community is 18, the oldest is 55. They come from all over China, having heard about the kingdom off the internet or from friends. The place was the singular vision of a Sichuan businessman, a ‘big person’. They do not really live in the hobbit holes, but they do all live together in a dormitory nearby. They are paid 1300Y a month, about 130 quid – not a bad wage for China, especially considering they get free food and accommodation.

The ones I talked to were very happy to be there. As well as getting a livelihood they felt part of a warm and close-knit community. Relationships had started there, there had already been two marriages, and another one was happening later this year. They had chosen their ‘king’ themselves, by election, and it seemed that he did really wield some authority – in that sense at least it was a real kingdom.

I had gone there sceptical, with a prurient desire to see a freak show and at the same time criticise it. But honestly, after meeting the charming, confident dwarves, I felt my cynicism evaporate. These people were going to get gawped at whatever they did – why not make a living at it? It was typical Chinese pragmatism – I was reminded of the way blind people are trained to become masseurs. And they really did think of the place as theirs, and to derive strength from numbers. So it was a surprisingly touching experience.